Our Next Steps

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. I haven’t written due to not really knowing what to say. There’s plenty going on in my head, so it’s not that that’s stopping me. It’s how to put it across in a succinct and logical way without jumping all over the place, like my mind tends to do!

As Andy posted earlier this week, we are really thinking seriously about Adoption. This is something that we have thought a lot about ever since we realised that having a family might not be that easy for us. We have even been to an information evening run by our local authority.

I think it would be an amazing and rewarding thing to do. To give a home to a child that needs a safe and nurturing environment with loving and supportive parents. What an amazing and admirable thing to do! And it’s not easy. It’s a long, personally invasive and emotional journey to be approved as adoptive parents. Plus the children most in need of a home often have their own issues, be it emotional, psychological or physical disabilities caused by a poor start to life.

So I guess my question is, can we do it? Are we ‘good’ enough? Do we have the ability and patience to provide a child with extra special support and love? I’d like to think so, but sometimes I doubt myself. On paper I guess we look like a good bet – young (ish) married couple with their own home, a comfortable lifestyle and a good support network. Whilst that’s a good start, it doesn’t mean that we’re suitable for and capable of such a difficult job.

I guess the other thing I need to consider is if I can get over my biological urge to carry a child. I think it’s a natural thing for most women to want to nurture your child from the very beginning, to feel them developing inside you and to bond with them before they even arrive. Deciding not to pursue any further fertility treatment is akin to deciding I’m never going to carry my own baby. That’s a big thing to come to terms with.

Andy worries we are giving up on having biological children too easily. I do too. There are so many people who have been through way more than us and somehow have the strength and determination to carry on with treatments and whatever else they think may help to get them the family they desire. I admire those people so much, coz this shit it hard!

We’ve been at it for four years now and I can’t imagine going another four years. There’s only so much that one person can take and that threshold is different for everyone. I have low pain and patience levels so I’m guessing I’m probably the same with my resilience for fertility treatments and cycle watching and the relentless pattern of raised and dashed hopes.

I don’t feel that we should compare ourselves to others. For others adoption may not be an option or may not be something they are comfortable with and so for them fertility treatments are the only way forward. This isn’t us.

I don’t like to see it as quitting. Instead I see it as changing our path. When there’s a road block you take a diversion, right?

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