I think the blogging started as we had a story to tell, the original story was that of two people struggling to get pregnant and the pain and stresses this brought along with it.
Our intention wasn’t as much for people to read this, but for us both to have an outlet to share our feelings in a forum where we might feel freer than when talking to one another. At the same time, I know other people are having the same challenges, and if reading our posts helped, then great.
The first few posts were all pretty depressing, I think this is because myself and Heidi just had built up so much pain, that once we had an outlet, it was as though someone had pulled the plug out of a bathtub of dirty water and all of it flowed into our Blogs.
We are in a different place today, but I hope our blog will keep going as this is still a story of infertility.
We have just had an amazing week in Turkey (Oludinez). I don’t think I realised just how I tired I actually was until I got to Turkey and I have slept more in the last week that I probably have in the previous 3 weeks. This was proper ‘quality time’ with my best friend, we did lots, paragliding, boat trips, quadbikes etc, but also found time to talk about the next step in our journey… Adoption.
I am so excited about going through this process, that I know on occasions I am going to have to check myself, slow myself down and realise it won’t happen as quickly as I would like it too.
For me, being able to start a family with the woman I love is something I have dreamt of doing since the first week we met. I knew then, what I still know today, that she is the one for me. I am not always the perfect husband (sometimes far from it) and I will not always get everything right, but I think Heidi knows that everything I do is usually around trying to be the best version of myself, and therefore be worthy of someone like her.
Now Heidi is not perfect either, she can not take a compliment, hates it when I say ‘lovey dovey’ things like this, and is not always proactive in terms of displaying affection, but I know she loves me and I know she will always love me and this is all I need.
So, back to Adoption….we have started reading a book this week, one chapter at a time, on how we should be raising children, and the impact our actions have on a childs developing brain. Whilst repetitious at points, it has really made me think about how I was raised, and how I need to ensure I learn from my own upbringing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying my parents did a bad job, they did a great job, and brought me up based on the best information available at that time, but we know more now, and we should use this information shouldn’t we ?
Adoption training starts in 3 weeks, I have no idea what to expect, but again, I am looking forward to it, and looking forward to meeting other couples who will be going through the same process, and likely having similar thoughts, fears and concerns etc that we are having. Hopefully this will also lead to a new network of friends once we all have our lovely new families.
While I will not be allowed to post pictures etc when we do get a placement, at least for the first 6 months, I will keep writing in here about the training and my thoughts around this.
Ok, this has been a long post, the joys of a 4 hour plane journey… but the real journey starts officially in 3 weeks, it will be long, it will be hard, but it will be worth it.